Tree of Providence

Not that I have any plans to become the Leader of the Post-2012 World, but I went ahead and took the challenges that the Institute for Human Continuity had up on their website. The tests weren’t that difficult but they were annoying. I really got sick of playing Dots against the computer. That last little bit where you’re trying to find the one spot left where you won’t form 3 sides of the square is time consuming and boring. The Bridges puzzles were easy – except for the fact that it was so hard to see what you were doing. Black lines against a dark background (on the left) combined with closely spaced lines (do I have one or two lines there?) and the small red finished indicator meant I spent most of my time trying to figure out where I had open islands left to place bridges.

At least I didn’t have the submitting issues that a lot of people had. So I probably did fairly decently despite the fact that I acquired zero advocates. I really had no desire to start spamming people to get them to vote for me. But I did get the final pyramid image. Seems to be different from the rest of the ones I’ve seen. But I could be wrong.

The Society for Linian Studies has recently discovered a new set of notebooks that belonged to the premiere Linian scholar, Norene Z. Byrnes. Part of these notebooks contained a cryptic set of poems that, when decoded, led to the Riverside Branch of the New York Public Library and then to a Post Office Box at the Ansonia Post Office. Inside the PO Box was a tape dated November 15, 1986. The tape contains some of the last words ever spoken by Norene Z. Byrnes.

[random music]

Norene Z. Byrnes. November the 15th, 1986. New York City.

If you’re hearing this, I guess that means someone finally found those notebooks I left in Vancouver. I wonder how long it took. A month? Ten years? Fifty? Whatever it is, hopefully it’s not too late. At least Linian scholarship is still alive. I imagine a world one day where every school child knows the name of Giuseppe Cognomi.

I apologize for the theatrics in getting you here. People must think I went crazy. Maybe I am. But everything I did was for a reason, as you’ll see. [unintelligible] I told you, [unintelligible] very important work. However, if you’ve found this tape I should warn you that you may be in for some trouble, if the Benjamin Smyth Institute is still around. I have a feeling they are. Well, let’s just say that they aren’t too pleased with the direction my work has been going. They’ll get over it.

If you’re uncertain about this path you’re going down, turn the tape off now, put it back in the box. Leave it for someone else. Someone who’s ready for the difficulties that come with this pursuit.

And if you’re one of the Smyth minions, well, I guess you won. But I pity you. You’re a puppet. You’ve been manipulated, lied to. You don’t have a clue what they’re really after. “We are guardians.” *scoffs* How you ever thought to consider what exactly that means? Maybe this tape can open your eyes.

And if it’s you, Lyman, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you more about what I’ve been doing. Sorry I kept you in the dark. Sorry I left without saying goodbye. It was for your own safety, I assure you. I know you think I’m just paranoid. My death will prove you wrong. I have no doubt anymore that I’m a dead woman walking. Only a matter of time now. Those damn Smythie’s have been hounding me for a long while. You don’t want that on you. I trust you’ll do as I ask and walk away from Linian Scholarship. You aren’t cut out for this.

[random music]

The Smyth Institute has successfully stopped the publication of my book. They’ve stolen my manuscript and destroyed most of my notes, so I’m making this tape. Hiding it right under their noses, right down the street from their Manhattan offices. I suppose they’ll look. I’ve been hiding out here for the past few months, and I’ve had more rest than I’ve had in years. But it’s only a matter of time, now.

I’m sorry for the lengthy prologue. Allow me to begin.

The story begins in ancient…

Hopefully in the upcoming weeks, I’ll be able to provide a transcript of the rest of her final tape.

So yesterday was my big date with 011iver. I left the house at 2:30am to make the 3:05am bus down to NYC. Unlike the last time, this bus actually left on time. I tried to sleep on the bus, but whenever the driver had to get off the highway you could tell because you ended up getting thrown all around as he took the corners. All the fast driving meant we arrived in NYC 15 minutes ahead of schedule. I think I would rather have dozed a little bit longer.

After getting off the bus, I headed to the subway to head up to Central Park. Luckily I still had a Metro Card from the NYC Snow Day Adventure, so I didn’t have to pay for the subway. I got off at 72nd Street and retraced my steps back down to the Eagles and Prey statue. Central Park is much prettier in the summer than in the winter, I have to say. After paying my respects at the statue, I decided to walk north through the park with the idea of ending up near the American Museum of Natural History around 10am so that I could check that out if no one else decided to come see me.

At around 9:30am, I had ended up near the Natural History Museum and decided to call Rose to see what she was doing. She was willing to meet me for breakfast since neither one of us had eaten yet. It was decided that we should go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art since she lives on the east side of Central Park, so I walked back across the Park to meet her at MOMA.

Finally met Rose at around 11:00am – she had forgotten her inhalers and had to go back for them so she was a little late in getting to MOMA. We stopped and got some breakfast at the café. I had some much needed (unsweetened!) hot tea and a bagel. Afterwards, Rose took me through to see some of her favorite collections in the museum while we discussed how we thought things in the community were going.

We left at 12:30pm so that I could have enough time to get over to Brooklyn. Since I only had train directions from 42nd Street/Times Square, we walked back across the Park so that I could catch the train back down to Port Authority. Saw a bunch of religious nuts handling out pamphlets and ranting as I walked the tunnel over to the Times Square station. That was fun. I had about a ten minute wait for the Express train to Brooklyn to come. I was glad I had the time of the Express train on one of my printouts, because the local train came first and I probably would have taken that and poor 011iver would have been waiting even longer for me.

Arrived at Grand Army Plaza around 1:45pm. As I started walking towards the Arch, I could see 011iver standing underneath it. I had a brief moment of panic as to what I was really doing. I wondered if it was too late for me to just turn around and get back on the subway and go home. But I had made a promise (and I had already twittered that I was there) so I continued on. The crosswalks around there are a little odd, so I had to go a little past the Arch in order to cross (safely) so it probably appeared to 011iver and Tim that I was coming from Prospect Park.

I’m not sure how long they had been waiting there, but they didn’t look too bored. When they noticed me, 011iver quickly grabbed the sign with my name on it and the bouquet of broccoli he had bought for me (thanks PostLarval). We introduced ourselves, and 011iver gave me the broccoli and a Transformers gift bag. I gave 011iver and Tim the gifts I had bought for them, plus the chocolate chip cookies I had made. The three of us then walked over to Prospect Park so that we could find a place to sit.

There were a number of people staring at us as we walked, a couple of giggles and more than a few people going “Look at the robot!” And then there was Tim who would run ahead so that he could film us walking. He said he wished he had a crane to shoot from, but I tried to point out to him that might not be the most practical thing in the world. We found a nice little spot a little off the main path that was shaded by some trees to sit under. Shade is very important, both to a girl with extremely fair skin and robots.

Tim spread out a blanket for us to sit (I say blanket, but I have since found out it was more like a kitchen curtain) and also brought out cider to drink and the cheesy hot dog cornbread muffins to eat. 011iver had sat on them so they were pretty crumbly. Hot dog chunks were everywhere. I politely suggested they try my cookies instead. Tim rated them a 36 (out of 36) and even 011iver liked the little piece he was able to eat. Getting to drink the cider was a bit of an adventure since the bottle required a bottle opener and none of us had one. 011iver managed to pop the seal with a key, but at this point the cider had been shaken up a little too much and started foaming out. This was a slight problem since Tim had also forgotten to bring napkins and cider is pretty damn sticky. 011iver rated the stickiness at about a 34.

While I was pouring the cider to drink, Tim and 011iver opened their presents: a Luke Skywalker Lego Star Wars pen for Tim and a tie clip for 011iver. My gift was a MBILF mug and some Tonka fruit flavored snacks since they couldn’t find any gummi bears. 011iver and I toasted (a couple of times because of course Tim had to make sure he got it filmed) and then poor 011iver dropped his cup. Luckily it did not end up on me. It did make that part of the blanket even sticker though.

As we were talking, we kept having people come up to us and ask to take pictures of 011iver. They seemed to be quite surprised that we were having a date, but I didn’t mind them interrupting us since it would show 011iver that lots of people like robots. There were even 2 cute girls that wanted their picture taking with 011iver – and said that they would go out on a date with him as well. I told 011iver it was obvious that all he needed was a female wingman to go out with him. He said that Tim was a bit of a female, but I just don’t think Tim would look all the good in a dress. We need to get Chuck to take 011iver out – he’d totally get a date then.

Tim had brought along the Connect Four game, so 011iver and I played a round. I actually could have won, but my sleep & food deprived / cider drinking brain completely missed it until after I had dropped my piece in. 011iver ended up winning, which is probably a good thing because I think he would have been rather upset if he lost. As it was, he took a victory lap around the blanket (although, I will admit that I did suggest it).

It was right after the end of the Connect Four game when The Hick Asshole showed up. At first I thought he was drunk, but then it dawned on me that it was just his Southern accent. He was asking what we were doing, and got very upset when he found out we were on a date. He started spouting some crap that humans and robots shouldn’t interact with each other. Tim stepped in and took the guy off to the side, but 011iver and I could still hear the guy arguing. It ended with THA yelling that he didn’t want to see us around there again, and that he was going to be coming back with his friends to make sure.

This spooked Tim and 011iver, who said they have dealt with guys like that before. They were sure that THA would be back with his friends and that it wasn’t worth it to get into a fight. After seeing the Run, Robot, Run video, I do know why neither one would want to get into a physical confrontation. So that was the end of our date. :( I am very sad because I was having fun. I didn’t even mind that Tim was being all filmmakery and stuff.

So Tim and 011iver packed up and went home. I decided that I would try to catch the 4:30pm bus back to Binghamton since no one else (like strifey or Siege) decided to visit me while I was in NYC. Bastards – I even brought them presents. But no, they just suck.

So it was back to the subway, past all the religious nutters in the tunnel (they had gotten even more vocal in the hour or so since I had seen them) and up to the third floor for the Binghamton bus. This was when I was very, very glad I had brought my iPod since there was a screaming kid in line for our bus. He was screaming in line and continued even after the bus pulled away. I ended up falling asleep, but when the bus stopped at another station, I woke up and the kid was still crying loudly. Yet one more reason why not to have children.

I finally made it back to the house at around 9:30pm. I had to stop for a bite to eat since the only thing I ate all day was the bagel with Rose and I was far too tired to actually cook. That and I developed quite the blister on the arch of my foot and can no longer stand properly on my foot. I uploaded the photos I took during the day to my Flickr and then passed out in bed which was much more comfortable than the seats on the bus. I swear those seats are designed to support your back in all the wrong places.

Find more videos like this on RobotFriendFinder

Oops! It looks like Skynet Research is having some issues with their website. Don’t you hate it when someone hacks in and leaves messages for individuals who don’t like you very much? I gotta say though, it doesn’t fill me with a whole lot of confidence if a company like Skynet can’t keep their hosting locked down. What if someone was able to hack into one of their robots and decide to go rob a bank or something? That would not be good news for their stockholders.

Of course, the hacked audio message is just odd. It sounds like something from a military reconnaissance team – but why hack Skynet? And why would Skynet be so alarmed at the contents? Is this some sort of military action against Skynet?

Get the Flash Player to see the wordTube Media Player.

This is Recon Team Strider Three to Base. Base, do you read? Requesting extraction. Say again, we’re overdue by three days and are stationed here and are ready to debrief. Say again, we’ve completed reconnaissance. We’re prepared to prep all tech com units on Skynet attack. Current coordinates Romeo [garbled]. Repeat, units [garbled] four man team. 1 injured. We’ll attempt next contact at 0900 hours.

I’m also not sure that telling people to stay away from a website is the best way to keep people away said website. Just because I can’t get to ResistOrBeTerminated.com at the moment, doesn’t mean that I won’t be checking it out later. I actually had no idea it existed until you told me, Skynet. I’m beginning to think that maybe, perhaps, you shouldn’t have such advanced robotic machines if you’re going to be idiots. You’d probably forget to make sure that they won’t go all bonkers and kill us all.

Thomas Hunter and Patrick Flynn are two hard-working guys on the ground at SXSW making sure that the public knows about the vileness that is the TARP ARG. While some might consider them to be a little overzealous, they are obviously getting to the panel members. Steve Peters has twittered “seriously wondering if doing this panel was a good idea” and Dee Cook has said “Upon deep reflection, am considering calling in dead for tomorrow’s panel”. And rumor has it that Brian Clark actually got into a shoving match with some of the protesters! There are only six hours left for us to get the word out that the TARP ARG is a mistake and should be stopped. Spread the word! Follow StopTarpARG on twitter, and grab a button and some fliers if you’re actually at SXSW. WE CAN STOP THEM!

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Even though I have a bounty on my head, this issue is important enough to come out of hiding. The Troubled Assets Relief Program Alternate Reality Game is going to corrupt our nations children and I have pledged to help StopTarpARG.com do all they can to stop the TARP ARG.

I have the dubious honor of knowing three of these so-called TARP Puppetmasters, and I’ve now completed research on the other two, so I can bring you the facts about who they truly are.

Brian Cain is an Alien! As you can see by his photo, he cannot even be photographed normally with our current technology. This is not the first time this phenomenon has been captured – see this dessicated alien head found in Derbyshire garden that shows the same properties.

This alien is running a so-called Educational ARG to mold the thinking of the children of America. This is a lie! It’s obvious that he is just brainwashing them so that they will be more compliant to the alien take-over of the world that is coming within the next twenty years. It’s a long game, but a very effective one – UNLESS WE STOP THEM NOW!

Brian Clark is a self-proclaimed mutant, a secret masked dancer, and a general rabble rouser when it comes to ARG META issues. His eloquence belies the insidious nature of his comments. He talks about “love and support in my heart for this community” when it’s obvious he is just playing the upstanding members of the community so that they do not look to closely at what he is really saying. I’ve taken the time to go through all 200+ posts of his on the Unfiction forum, and have discovered a secret message running throughout: ALIENS R GREAT! We should all be outraged that this man-mutant is shaping the minds of our children!

Dee Cook is a Bambi killer and a hater of arachnophobics. Spend any amount of time around her, and she will casually suggest that you take a look at a picture. More often than not, these seemingly innocent suggestions are just her way of terrifying you as you are suddenly confronted with images of killer spiders! Is it any wonder that the IRC community has banded together and boycotted any links that she may give them? Of course not! If hardened IRC veterans are disturbed at what she so casually flings about, just imagine how scarred your children will be!

It’s a little known fact that mimes are natural alien repellents. This must be why Steve Peters’ new company No Mimes Media was formed – to spread anti-mime propaganda that would curtail their ability to fight aliens. There are also rumors spreading that Mr. Peters’ “Guess the TV Theme” mp3s on Twitter are filled with subliminal messages that promote his anti-mime agenda and the TARP conspiracy. Twitterers playing his little game should think twice about clicking on the links lest they become corrupted by the subliminal messages he is hiding.

Lance Weiler is not strictly an alien, but is the product of them. The “Empty Child” syndrome, as it is now known, turns individuals into gas mask wearing, soulless zombie-type creatures, who wander the streets looking for affection. Whatever you do, DO NOT touch these types of individuals. You will be turned into one of them – gas mask and all! If confronted by one of these poor creatures and are unable to escape, sternly give it a command like a parent to a four year old to leave you alone. If that doesn’t work, running away should.

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In order to help spread the word about the TARP ARG, I have created a series of protest signs. Please feel free to use these to spread the word and to help fight against TARP.

This is serious. There is an “Alternate Reality Game” being held at SXSW this year that is sponsored by the government. This “ARG” is set to corrupt the minds of the nations children and is being run by people who hate mimes, kill Bambi, dance in masks and some other unsavory people. It’s a total abomination.

Please visit Stop the TARP website, follow them on Twitter and listen to their voice message at 866-397-7406.

Every year (more or less), I make a puzzle trail for my friend strifey.

This year I’ve created the diabolical LABYRINTH OF DOOM.

And by diabolical, I mean filled with silly puzzles mostly based on coloring pages from such fun activity books such as Disney Princess, Scooby-Doo, Rainbow Brite, and of course, The Care Bears. This year is a little more difficult than the previous years, but still pretty easily solvable. Plus I give out pretty generous hints in case people get stuck (and people do get stuck on all different sorts of puzzles). So play along and drop me a message if you need some help!